By DAPHNE LEE
From Tots to Teens, StarMag
ZOMBIES. Hmmm .... I've never found zombies scary. They're pretty disgusting, but I'd be more likely to laugh at them than run screaming or cower under the bedclothes. I invariably think of zombie movies as comedies. Rotting men and women with bits falling off ... so what? Is it because I used to work in a hospital that bloody putrefecation holds no horror for me?
Perhaps if they moved more quickly ... I mean, sure it's horrible to be eaten alive but if you can outrun those that want to make a three course meal out of you then what's the big deal? Plus, a few whacks with a chair and they fall apart. Of course zombies might be a metaphor for demanding, permanently emotionally-hungry men who fall apart easily. Now, that's something to keep you up nights!
Seriously though, I suppose you must have heard of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (Quirk Books, 319 pages, ISBN: 978-1594743344) by now. It's basically Jane Austen's novel with zombies inserted, for ... horror and ... humour? In this new version (by Seth Grahame-Smith) of the classic, England is suffering a plague of zombies. The Bennett sisters are trained in the martial arts, able to take undead creature with a single sidekick! And when Elizabeth Bennet overhears Mr Darcy dismissing her as merely "tolerable", her first instinct, as a warrior, is to reach for her dagger so she can "open his throat"!
Zombies pop up whenever you expect them to - on Lizzie's walk to Netherfield; during her tour of Pemberley; and at various social gatherings. Darcy is of course an accomplished killer of unmentionables; and even Lady Catherine de Bourgh is a deadly ninja!
I don't think anyone would find the book scary. The thought of the Bennets karate-chopping and kicking in their Empire-cut gowns is alone pretty damn funny. It seems the movie rights have been sold and I hope they get Judi Dench to play Ninja de Bourgh! And how about Vin Diesle as Darcy?
A zombie book that I think would be a much creepier read is Carrie Ryan's The Forest of Hands and Teeth (Delacorte Books for Young Readers, 320 pages, ISBN: 978-0385736817). What a great title, huh? It tells the story of a teenage girl who lives in a village bordered by a chainlink fence. In this post-apocalyptic world, and beyond the fence, lies a forest filled with ravenous undead. It's impossible to say if any thing or anyone else exists. Do check out the trailer on YouTube. By the way, I can't believe there are now trailers for books! The one for Forest would serve just as well as a teaser for a film. The actor reading Mary's part is movingly wistful and fearful - would printed words be as effective in conveying her longing for life beyond the fence, as well as her horror of whatever's outside coming into her world? The only way to find out is to buy the book!
The zombies in the trailer are portrayed sans hanging eyeballs, bared muscle, sinew and bone, tattered clothing. They are merely men and women, pale and staring. You catch sudden glimpses of them and that's quite disturbing. I wonder if I find the typical zombie so unremarkable because it's so in-your-face. Monsters that are liable to leave bits of themselves around the place can not but be quite ridiculous. And of course we can also blame Michael Jackson for making us expect zombies to start dancing and singing a la the video for Thriller. No, somehow, just not the stuff nightmares are made of.
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